I went to that old site, Gametrailers,
in search of the latest GTAIV trailer from last week, which I had
missed and was dying to see. All I wanted to see was the fucking
trailer, but I noticed a feature on their main page, from those
bonercore assholes at ScrewAttack, featuring my favorite NES game of
all time, The Punisher.
If you're not familiar with ScrewAttack, don't become familiar with
them. They're a bunch of unfunny 20-something piece of shits with a
hard-on for retro gaming *ahem* I mean profiting from ad views based on
producing "Hey, remember that shit!?! HA HA HA" videos for witless fans
of retro gaming. They did hire one semicool guy, but that's neither here nor there.
Their "feature" (tough to even call it that) is from their ongoing series, entitled Video Game Vault,
in which some nameless, gutless limpwrist spends about 60 seconds
shitting on a game. Usually, yeah, they pick some pretty boner games
and have some legit beefs. THAT'S GOING TO INEVITABLY HAPPEN WHEN A
FUCKING GAME IS 20 YEARS OLD. Picking The Punisher was just
the wrong sauce for this salad, Gus. The game is an on-rails gallery
shooter, it's designed fairly well for that type of game, it's neither
frustrating nor confusing, and it satisfies everything it's supposed to
satisfy for a game of this genre, in this timeframe.
From my perspective, I had a blast playing the game. The goal,
though unstated, was to attain 100% in every level, by killing every
gang member, in order to attain the bonus supergun, thereby decreasing
the chances of a single criminal surviving the next level when you
receive, for your use, said bonus. I guess it defined the early twitch
gamer in me -- I happen to LIKE games where you smoke everything that
moves (especially drug dealing CREEPS!) -- and it even managed to be
hectic and challenging, at times. Now if you're going to h8on all that,
you can c'mere and get me my fuck off by wearing my balls on your chin.
Let's analyze the "feature":<br>
