A reimagining of a popular misunderstanding

DK (Sgt. Dave Karsnia): Alright. Cool.  Did you do anything with your right arm and right hand?

LC (Senator Larry Craig): I suppose I moved it, yeah.  I have this nervous condition, uhm, and sometimes

my arm goes out like, "yeah!"  About eye level.  I'm a fairly nervous guy.

DK: Understood.

LC: So I had one of those, you know, uh, I'd call it the "elephant trunk" effect.

DK: Okay.                                                          

LC: It relieves nervous tension.  It's like sneezing, but I wouldn't, ah, it's harmless.  Involuntary, really.  Limp.

DK: Okay.                                                          

LC: Did I touch your hair?  Did I, I caught a glance when I noticed my arm was having a fit, your face was close to my hand.

DK: Yes.

LC: Did I punch you?  Like, in the eyeball?  Ah, you said so, I don't recall that, but apparently you have a black eye.

DK: Yeah, well your hand did touch my eyeball; you sort of invaded my bubble.  Like, my imaginary private space.

LC: All right.

DK: Okay.  And then with the two fingers. Urn, how many times did you make your fingers into a "V," and then jab them into my eyes? 

LC: I don't recall.  I remember making the "peace" sign.  There was a hippie having a cigarette nearby, and I wanted to express mock solidarity with his nonviolent foreign policy ideas.

DK: Ok.  Did you shout, "take that, bacon!" when you were doing that?

LC: I don't recall.

DK: Okay.  I don't think I could make something like that up.

LC: All right.